Stuck

I mentioned that sometimes I feel like I'm trapped in a doll's body. I still do. I don't know whether I should be thankful that I might look young for quite a long time or I should take it as something negative. Well, it seems negative for the present. I've been asked four times how old I really was before I was allowed to enter the cinema to watch Da Vinci Code. I have to carry some sort of identification wherever I go an for certain things that I would like to do, like purchasing a bottle of vodka or something.
Sigh.
I wish I really were a vampire so more or less I could justify the things that are happening to me. I DESERVE to be REWARDED for whatever I have achieved of late. I don't ask for it yet sometimes it just sucks when you don't get what you think you deserve.And as far as I know, I don't seem to be getting anything that I deserve. (Ok my new buddy treated me to dinner on my birthday, but...)
I don't know but I get this feeling that someone is running away from someone who isn't chasing after them. It's annoying really, not to mention that it hurts. I say that the person looks stupid running from someone who just stays where she is, watching him run and wondering why the hell is he running.I know that the person is pretty busy nowadays and isn't often visible, yet...I don't know I could be imagining things. I really don't know.
I guess I should have just shut up about it. Hell, how was I supposed to know they'd do that?!Aaargh! Damn it! Next time I feel something, I guess I'm NEVER going to talk about it. Not to anyone, not to even to those I consider close to me. I was used to it that way and I think I should change it to the way it used to be.
What the hell? I shouldn't be blaming them or myself for that. I should have noticed that it would most likely be his reaction.But...WHO THE HELL HE THINKS HE IS TO REACT THAT WAY?If I was really going to 'pursue' I would not just stand where I am and wonder why he is running.
I don't like to go sourgraping again.It won't do any good really.It's just going to make me more angry.It's just going to hurt more.It's easy to say that there are a lot out there, that one deserves better and will find that and other similar things but I end up asking"What if I don't like to find someone else, better or not?"(sounds stupid, I know).
Sigh.
Hopefully I'd laugh at this when the time comes, because if I don't I guess I might really have lost my mind.
I should be concentrating on my acads since it gets more demanding by the day,but I get easily distracrted, besides I'm a talented crammer, so I could easily squeeze in things.Nowadays though, I find it somewhat exhausting, although I prefer to feel the adrenalin rushing or something like that.I guess I'm becoming more responsible when it comes to acads.
Changing for the better is somewhat impossible at home what with all the negative enrgies floating there.
Sigh.
Maybe that guy should look behind him to check whether there really is someone or something running after him.I would like to ask him about it in case I might just be imagining things.It's easier to accept such if I really was a vampire or something more hideous(hope I spelled that right) for vampires could appear like gods.
Yeah, it's easier if that was the case.At least I could come close without the person knowing.Imagine, there wouldn't be any need to ask or confront. I would only need the courage to scan his mind.It would be easy to cloak one's presence and watch from a close distance.
Should I or should I not ask,confess?
I don't know what he sees. Sometimes I would like to ask(not only him but others as well)that.Kind of like Claudia asking Lestat"Do you like what you see?"or something like that.My guess?A little girl doll.